I was sitting on couch one day watching one of the videos of my ex's performance on Facebook and it finally hit me.. I was dumped. He was singing so well and with such feelings and emotions, but none of those were for me anymore. It took me almost two weeks to process everything in and accept that I was finally single. We all know breaking up sucks and no matter whether you are the one dumping or being dumped, there is nothing pleasant about breaking up. The difference is, if you are one of those jerks breaking up via text or the one who grows a pair and does it face to face, it is not that intense, if you are the one dumping someone.
It definitely sucks to be the one being dumped. I really like the elastic theory of relationship. Being in a relationship is like holding an elastic band at two ends. There is always one person holding their end a little tighter than the other one. And if someday, one decides to let it go, its the person with stronger grip that gets hurt. This pretty much sums up the whole idea of break up. If you were the one that loved a little too much, you will be the one that gets hurt a little too much as well.
I also think that women tend to be more expressive and are hurt more when dealing with break ups. I could be wrong here but I'm speaking from what I've seen the most. That could also be because men don't really express their emotions and like to keep it cool. I've never had to experience a situation where I had to be a shoulder for a guy friend to cry on because he broke up. Women also tend to plan everything ahead and once they think that its getting real, they start expecting more and planning for the future. That could be the reason why us, women, get hurt most of the times. We expect, we plan, and then when we don't get it, we break into pieces. No matter how badly we get hurt though, we manage to stand up tall again and fall in love again. That is what I find interesting about women.
So the whole point of me writing this is to let my girlfriends know that it's okay to be miserable after you break up. It is not abnormal if we can't stop thinking about that jerk who broke our heart. It is completely fine to have the urge/desperation to get him back. Or if he is the first person you want to call when something wonderful or terrible happens to you. Or if all these songs, food, etc. etc. remind you of him. I know people will tell you to forget everything and move on because he broke your heart. Truth is, no matter how badly he treated you, it is indeed hard to move on right away!
Having said that though, we need to realize when to draw the line and know how to tackle those urges. Forbidden fruits always taste the best but we should realize that its momentary and the after effects that follows are no good. The urges are certainly inevitable but our actions are not. We could be dwelling over the memories from our past and never moving forward again. Such memories that hold us back should be flushed down the toilet. No matter how biter-sweet the memories are, they still sting.
Then in the end we should also not forget that there are plenty of other fishes in the sea.. and no, he's not the Nemo. lol If he was, he would still be around. As E. L. James quotes, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince". So just take the whole thing like you kissing yet another unlucky frog and move on. If he says, "baby, it's not you, its me", these are the words you should believe in. Even though he's using those words to get out of the mess, it never was you. Keep repeating to yourself that it's not you, it's him and realize that you definitely deserve a lucky frog.. not literally! (;