Saturday, November 21, 2015

This too shall pass!!!

Have you ever felt like quitting everything and just running far away where no body knows you so you could start everything all over again? Or wishing something terrible like an attack or anything deadly would happen to you so all your suffering would come to an end? Most people fear death, but have you wondered about the portion of population who fear the life that they are living instead? While some people pray for a long, healthy life, others could just be praying for it to come to an end.


"This is just a phase.. she will get over it!"
"Oh, he is just over thinking, give him 2 days and he will come around."
"She was literally laughing like 2 mins ago, I don't think she is that depressed."
"It's not that big of a deal, you just need a few drinks."

Hitting the rock bottom! Worst feeling in the world. And every person in this planet has their own idea of hitting the rock bottom. Hence, the variations of suggestions and advises. At the end of the day, no one knows the real depth of the pain better than the person going through itself. 

I know this is all a dark-twisty talk that most people like to avoid. But believe it or not, depression is not just a phase. I have never been super depressed in my life to the point where I had to seek professional help, so I won't be able to go that far. But I have definitely reached the point where I was so close to getting into depression but somehow got lucky to manage to pull it together before it went that far. 

I remember the first time I hit the rock bottom. I had never been in that serious of a relationship before. Relationships had always been about crushing for few days, flings for other few weeks, followed by break up. But finally being in a relationship that meant the world to me and then it coming to an end being back stabbed the shit out of myself was the worst experience I ever had. That was a horrific experience for me. Then again, I would feel obligated to be normal in front of people. Having an extrovert/happy go lucky kind of personality just made things worst. But at the end of the day, laying in bed being forced to accept the reality and face the sad demons within would make me the weakest. I would literally find myself waking up in the middle of the night from the nightmares of my ex, or sobbing in public restrooms, or just staring at nothing for hours. This went on for over three months straight. Being completely normal one minute and then then turning into a pathetic soul another became a part of my life. I was so close to going into depression. Somehow along the line, I managed to pull it together and come through. Even to this date, thinking about the whole thing in general gives me chills.

I am not going to bore you with any more of my experiences here. It just sucks to be going through a heartbreak no matter what the reason is. And it definitely isn't always about "boy-drama", if you are mistaken.

I am not even sure why I decided to write about this. My head is a gloomy mix of emotions and I guess I just wanted to spit the words out. To those people straddling along the line of loneliness/depression, please find a way to pull it together and don't quit. I know the feeling when you feel like no one in the world understands you.. that's because it is true, no body does. I have had experience of calling my best friend crying my eyes out and by the time I disconnected the call, my tears would be gone but the emptiness would remain. Because no matter how hard she tried to understand me, she couldn't. And its normal. No one else knows better about the trigger that pushes you into the gloominess than yourself. And there is no perfect word one can tell you to make you feel better. While I was going through this, people around me might never even had slightest clue about it. That is the thing about this, it seems unreasonable because "it seems to be all in your head".

So, if you are feeling sad, down, or lonely, know that you are not the only one. There could be thousands of people going through the same emotions and just masking it with a plastered smile, just like you are. And just like everyone else, you need to be strong too and not quit no matter how tempting it is. Find something to distract your mind. I personally like going for long walks, even when it's freezing cold out. ;) There has to be something that soothes your soul, find it. No matter what the situation is, once it's over, there are glorious days awaiting you. Just keep chanting the mantra "This too shall pass"..

This is a mere attempt of me talking to myself to not quit.. If you are riding the same boat, hope this helped a little! :)