Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Rape Part 2: Answers to some absurd arguments made!

Part 1: http://snout2013.blogspot.com/2015/01/today-i-feel-like-getting-raped.html

I would like to start out by thanking all the supporters who took time out to read and share my blogpost “Today I feel like getting raped”. That being said, I am writing this to clear confusion, for a portion of my readers and address their issues/concerns with my writing/content. If it was some petty issue, I would have overlooked it – there are times when people hold different opinion about different subject matters. However, rape doesn't fall under that category. It’s a crime, period! I am not sure how people can hold difference in opinion about this issue.

The first issue addressed by many was the title of the article as well as the sarcasm of the story. This is an acceptable argument made. In my defense, previously, I'd written an article on the same issue with a clear title and blatantly just raged against the crime. It didn't get much attention. You know why? People from all over the world have stated facts against rapes and made similar arguments. I don’t think anyone has ever dared to start out by saying “Today I feel like getting raped”. It was a bold move. Although hesitant, I knew people would be intrigued by the title and I wanted my words to be heard!

About the use of sarcasm, it was my way of tightly slapping the officials who set those guilty criminals free based on the ground of lacking evidence. In the story the girl starts out by having a thought about getting raped. Do you think these innocent girls when walking out of their house know what lies ahead of them? NO! It is something unexpected. So you can’t expect the victims to have solid evidences. In such a conservative society, isn't the victim coming out and sharing their horror stories and bruises enough of an evidence? That is what I wanted people to understand through sarcasm. Also, twisted words tend to intrigue the brain, that's my belief!

Moving on, someone argued that I was “one of those wannabe sluts from the West bringing out old beaten up argument”. I don’t even know where to start from. Firstly, if this person had asked me if I wanted to be a slut, I would have said no. Wannabe is something you want to/are trying to be and no I don’t want to be a slut so change your label. Sure, I might sound like a - wannabe blogger? Wannabe writer? Wannabe woman activist? I am not sure where you drew that "slutty" impression from. Check your facts before labeling someone, okay? Cool! “From the West?”. Just because I am not currently in Nepal doesn’t mean you get to outcast me by calling my argument from the West. I belong to the same country and I have as much of the right to share my thoughts as you do about my country. And nowhere in my post had I mentioned anything about USA. It is a simple story that happens in Nepal, why would that be called an argument from West?? And again, regarding the old beaten up arguments, well these are going to continue unless we can minimize the case of rape and/or do something to control it if not eradicate. I am not even sorry if that bothers you.. I along with many other concerned citizens will keep raising their voice, deal with it, sir!

Then someone pointed out that holding grudges against the rapists is not right. He thinks forgiving and moving on leads to a peaceful and joyful nation. He also pointed out that these rapists need love and we need to understand that. To this person, I just have one question. If someday (I hope never), your daughter/wife/sister comes up to you after getting raped and begs you to join her in her fight, would you be able to look in her eyes and tell her, “Honey, it’s okay - that guy needed love. You need to forgive that person by understanding his situation. He needed love, so let it go and move on."? If yes, then I have nothing more to tell you! The only thing you missed to understand is that a peaceful and joyful nation is when all the citizens, regardless of their age, sex, gender, religion, and similar factors can live with no fear. Speaking in this context, they should be able to live their life without the fear of being pulled to a dark alley and getting raped!

The whole point of me writing this is to rage against this portion of population who just can’t accept the fact that rape is happening and it is indeed a crime. There were people giving me numbers on how rate of rape in USA is greater so I am at greater risk. When did I even say I wanted to talk about USA. You're comparing apples to oranges here. Either way, my concern is about the situation in Nepal. There are citizens from USA to address their issue here, let's re-direct our focus to our own country okay? We can help USA later if it is what you want! Also this is what is wrong with the society. Until and unless we don’t stop the finger-pointing and accept our own fault, we will never be able to move forward.

Then there were people pointing out how intelligent and smart women don’t wear revealing cloths. A fully naked stripper standing next to these people, any day, would look and sound way smarter than these people making such absurd arguments. And I am sure they are for a fact! Why should anyone be ashamed to wear cloths according to their preference? Also if clothing is the issue then the rapists must have eyes equipped with x-rated vision to see through normal tshirt and jeans?!?

This issue just boils my blood to the extremes. How and why are we even making rape a controversial issue? Rape is a crime, enough said! People going around making excuses for the rapists and playing the blame game is why rape is increasing by day! "A kid threw banana skin on the street- a woman slipped and fell in front of me- I gave her my hand- Our touch sparked me up- I had been looking for love for quite some time- This spark made it clearer I could be loved right now- I pulled her to a nearby alley and hence it happened- oops"?! Yeah, this is the kind of slippery slope fallacy that we are making. It’s neither the kid’s fault nor the woman’s. Don’t blame the situation and the victim - rather blame the criminal’s inadequacy to control his urge and provide justice accordingly.. Amen!

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Today I feel like getting raped!

This was just a usual morning for me, yet it started out with an unusual urge- Maybe I should get raped today? I go into the kitchen and help my mom prepare breakfast/lunch while my dad and brother get some extra hours of sleep before starting their days. Well, I am a woman and so is my mother, if we won’t run the kitchen, who else will? So, should I tell my mom about this urge? Hmmm maybe not... what if I don’t get raped? Let me just see how the day goes by. She can wait until tonight when I come home.

Finally household chores are done and I am getting ready to go to work. I pick a pink top and black pants to wear. I hope this will provoke someone to rape me. It doesn't reveal much of my skin, but hey, my sole existence as a woman should be a good enough reason to provoke few men, if not all. With these jumbled up thoughts running wild in my brain, I take a bus. It is crowded but I am almost running late. Also, I can’t afford to take a Taxi. Either way, since I am looking to get raped, why even bother anyway?

I push my way through and stand sandwiched between a middle-aged woman and an elderly man. I was 7 stops away from my destination. Suddenly I feel the man’s hand on my butt. I turn around to glare at him and he just flashes me a toothless grin. He reminds me of my grandfather. His groping doesn't stop. I try to push his hand away but he’s just too resistant. Also, it's my fault that my butt was in his way - I chose to place my butt near him. Man this feels good, my butt is being felt by a strange man who is almost as old as my grandfather. This is normal right? To my utter disappointment, he got off after 3 stops and hence, loneliness?

So I get to work and my day goes by as every other normal day. Mr. Sharma, my boss, is in a good mood today. Unlike every other day, today he decided not to blatantly point out my inadequacy to perform certain task being a woman. Neither did he pull out his favorite “Go get me my sandwich” joke on me. My work area consists of two group of male coworkers: the nice group who mind their own business and treat you like a normal coworker and the other group that think women belong in the kitchen, obviously.. and also they have this power of raping with their eyes. I put up with everything just like every other woman working there. In a male dominated society, you either get fired or just learn to put up with that bullshit. But I am not complaining at all. I am a woman, I know where my place is!

I had to work until late so Mr. Sharma offers me a ride back home. I have worked with him for 2 years now and if he is in one of those happy days, he doesn't mind doing people favors. So I accept his invitation and get in his car. He was being nice to me for a change. We are about fifteen minutes away and he suddenly takes an exit away from my home. It is confusing. He stops somewhere which looks like a middle of nowhere. I try to get out but the doors are already locked. I am trapped in and before I could even realize that his hands are on my thighs and then everywhere else. My protests are all going in vain. He rapes me; then he threatens to fire me and destroy my life if I dare open my mouth. I feel two tight slaps on my face marking an end to his act. Finally he drops me home.

Well the urge is all over. I was looking to get raped and I did. Now my next step is to go to the police station and report about it so that I can announce to the world that I got raped. Hence, I did. No-brainer, I was asked for evidence. Tsk Tsk Tsk.. I am so stupid. I left the house in the morning with that determination of getting raped but foolishly forgot to grab a camera or recorder to capture that moment. I also forgot to bring along a friend or passerby to observe the moment. That moment that I would like to remember and cherish for the rest of my life. Every court I go to, I have to explain every little detail. Every reporters I meet, want to know the details. I get interviewed and people want to know the detail. Everybody freaking wants to know every single thing that happened! Because hey, if I don’t tell the world the detailed description of this story of mine, how will they ALL believe me?

Due to lack of enough evidence, (and a lot of money) Mr. Sharma is set free. Now he is going to fire me for sure. About the society - since I lost the case, I was definitely the one who provoked him or wanted a promotion which is why the whole thing happened. My father didn't really want to support me in the first place because of his “status” in the society. Also in his eyes, I have always been a rebel wanting to go to school, get a job, and you know those things that women shouldn't be doing. After all we were born to run the kitchen and raise kids, WTH was I even thinking? My mother lives in the fear of never being able to find me a good husband now. And me? Well, I asked for the rape and I provoked Mr. Sharma and I was the one to somehow forget to collect evidence so maybe I made a mistake? I am sorry, dear society, for seeking justice and letting you down! I wish I had that camera or a witness!

This is a hypothetical and sarcastic story that I wrote as a tribute to Pooja Karki, Pooja Bohara, (recent victims) and many other innocent girls being raped almost every day. They are fighters in my eyes. Hearing their story is enough to give me goosebumps! If somehow, they could read this, I just wanted to let them know that they are not alone in this fight. This new constitution definitely needs stricter laws against the rapists. If these monsters get to live a good life after destroying somebody else’s, then about time we raise a question in humanity! If we don’t stop blaming the victim and setting the guilty people free, incidents like these will just keep escalating.

Share this and show support to these girls. Spread the word peeps, domestic violence, abuse, and gender-based discrimination needs to come to an end!

Sunday, January 18, 2015

An undelivered speech!

Let me start out by shamelessly admitting a truth. The day I submitted my graduation application form, I was secretly hoping I would be asked to deliver a speech during the pinning ceremony for International students. To my utter disappointment, that opportunity I was looking for, was given to two other International students for that ceremony. And fortunate or unfortunate enough for you guys, I decided to post this article.

I had gone over the speech quite a few times in my head and a couple of times in front of my bathroom mirror. I happen to be one of those people who get excited about speaking or sharing experiences in general. What I had planned to deliver that night was to share my experience; as an International student who spent four and half years of my life in a strange land, working on getting that degree. And here I am today, vaguely drafting that speech with a wine glass (and/or a bottle :P) on my hand, ready to raise a toast.

Looking back, I have definitely grown into a different individual. I look four years back, I was a young, dependent girl trying to fit into a new culture. My goals in life were different. Classes were easier, realistic world had not started kicking in yet. To break it down in simpler terms, understanding the American accent and finding on-campus job had to be the hardest struggles of all. Then I look two years back. A not-so-young, semi-independent woman lost in self conflict; and not to forget desperately wanting to graduate out of college. Figuring out what I wanted to do in life versus what was expected out of me. Realistic complications had started to kick in. Paying bills, figuring out classes, and balancing social & academic life were the biggest struggles of all.

And here I am today. Not-young-anymore, independent (almost), self-proclaimed blogger ;), and an unemployed woman surrounded by nothing but the real-world complications. Looking back, I frequently question my two-years-back self’s desperation to graduate out of college. Graduating out of college looks glitter and gold unless you are the one taking that walk down the stage to get that diploma. I am not saying it is the worst thing to happen but I am also not saying that it is the best thing of all to be worthy of that desperation. You can always slow down and take your time and get that degree in a right pace. I have seen people eager to graduate out of college just two years into it.

So today, when I have finally learnt to drink socially rather than drinking to get drunk (hopefully), I would like to raise a toast to those glorious four and half-ish years I spent in college to get my undergraduate degree. I have fallen down, gotten up, loved, lost, been broke enough to feed myself on ramen noodles, been rich enough to indulge myself on getting a gel-based manicure ;)(waste of money), procrastinated like a hare, and worked my butt off like crazy all these years. As I received that diploma on the D-day, I realized I was walking out with no regrets. There might have been things I did that I am not proud of today, but then again I always did what I wanted to do.

So to all the fellas who recently graduated out of college, let’s pat ourselves in the back for all the hard works we did. Having many dreams shattered right in front of our eyes and learning to rebuild new dreams picking up those shattered pieces, we have come a long way! The real world awaits for us now. Life may seem challenging, darker, difficult, and impossible; but always remember, as they say, “The fool didn’t know it was impossible, so he did it”.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Relationship 101 for dummies!

The title of this post in itself made me chuckle if not laugh out loud. As someone who has had a series of failed relationships, I would be the last person giving anyone relationship advice. So I am sorry, if I fooled you with the title but this post is definitely not for you if you are looking for tips on making relationship last. Having said that though, what I am actually going to talk about today is the importance of finding out whether or not you are relationship-ready!

Relationships are great to be in, well for most people. The first few weeks or months are undoubtedly the best for almost all. To add to that, these days the peer pressure of being in relationship is so high that even the typical South Asian parents have started giving up on the idea of arranged marriage. Then there are romantic and all different sort of movies that have hyped-up the bliss of being in relationship. All these factors have led into the idea of being in a relationship turn into a trend.. something like owning a newly launched iPhone or that skinny jeans in trend. Everyone wants to have it just so they can flaunt it.

I have noticed that there are some people who are not at all relationship ready and yet getting into one just for that reason.. handful of people like me! Talking about me, relationship is actually not a top priority on my list; yet I try to make it to the top.. just because! When I get in a relationship, I have the tendency of putting my heart and soul into it to the point of going crazy. I have done all different sort of stuff to make that relationship last just for the sake of being in that relationship. Coming to think of it, I happen to be one of those people who is not relationship ready at all!

I have cooked meat being someone who has been vegetarian for years and vowed to never touch meat again, I have spent money that I didn't have, I have given up on eating and drinking certain food/drink for the obvious reasons. These are just a list of few things of many that I tried so as to keep that relationship going. Recalling about them all, what hit me is, being in a relationship is like a chore for me.. it doesn't come naturally. I have to always go above and beyond to keep it going. It seems like a chore maybe because it is not exactly what I want but I feel like I do.

I have bigger dreams in life. I want to be remembered someday. I want to be somebody when I leave this world and that is my top priority. I have desires to achieve so many things in life and when it comes to such stuff, I have my shit together.. for real! Excuse me if I sound arrogant, but when I say I am more intellectual than some men that I dated in the past, I mean it. Maybe I am the intimidating one in the relationship which is why it never last? Maybe I am too confident for my own good?

So the whole point of me writing this is to let people like me know that it is okay if you are not relationship-ready yet. I have noticed that relationships have always brought out the worst in me and yet I kept trying because maybe I wanted to be good at it. So it's okay if you feel like you're not too. You can take a step down on that aspect in life and focus on something that you actually care about. You have planned a future for yourself that only you acknowledge and if being in relationship is not first on the list then it's okay to let it go and work on whatever is more important at the moment. Relationship will come find you when you are actually ready for it! :)

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Why hate the lovers?!?


Past few weeks have been no different than a roller coaster ride for me. From graduating to moving to a different state to visiting way too many places, to getting into complicated attachments, life has changed a lot. Besides the quick update ( to those who care enough), I am going to jump into yet another rant. In the past, I have written about being in friendzone, to hating love, to heartbreaks and stuff like that and this, my friends could be a mix of all. I am going to vent about some people who are always complaining/not understanding about those people who somehow manage to always end up in complicated sort of relationships!  

Confusing eh? Well to break it down further, if we look around our friend circle, there has to be at least one guy/girl-friend of ours that is always prone to getting into the most complicated flings/relationships ever. If not, that person could be you! :P Either way, I have seen people always going gaga about these innocent kids! I know its easy to sit there and question their judgment every time but ever wondered what is it like to be in their place?

Being in a complicated relationship is not that bad I tell you, what is worst is being in a series of complicated relationships and going through the similar heartbreak every single time. By complicated relationships, I mean those relationships that are hanging halfway through between not-a-relationship yet to so close to being official. It’s like dating a person but not quite dating them yet.

From what I have experienced and/or observed the problem with these people is the fear of confrontation. Avoiding the “talk” or “demands” because a) either they assume they are not deserving enough to demand anything and would much rather be satisfied with whatever is offered or b) they care about the other person so much that they hand them the whole power to that one-way relationship and turn into that person’s minion.

Yes, I do agree that it might seem the stupidest thing to do to the other people. But one must not forget that this is how that person feels. Rationality either doesn't kick in at all or kick in really late for these people. Just because you are either lucky or brave enough to speak for yourself doesn't mean everyone else is too. This also doesn't mean that these people are the weakest in the world. Maybe they just can’t handle being in relationships. Or maybe no one has ever made them feel important enough yet. Who knows?

I remember my puppy-love/hand-holding high school days when I was dating a guy who was clearly double-timing. He had the guts to confront about it and twist and turn his words to the point where he made me feel sympathetic towards him instead. Yes I would do his home works (lol), do him favors, listen stories about his other girlfriend and yet at the end of the day she was the one who went on dates with him while I was his name-sake girlfriend. I might sound like a loser to you but trust me I liked being his girlfriend, for some reason. Ha! Somehow I enjoyed being in that relationship and I did learn quite few lessons so yes I still don’t regret that eleventh-grade relationship in general. So coming from someone who has been in such a stupid relationship, trust me it is easier said than done when you say it’s easy to walk away!

“Love, officially, is nothing but a bitch” as Chetan Bhagat quotes, love turns out to be a bitch for many if not all. These people getting into complicated relationships are the ones who actually are able to love like crazy. They have been heart broken enough in many different ways to be strong enough to love with passion and yet let go as needed. So the least we can do for them is let them be and not judge. After all, no matter how bitchy, that feeling of being in love (however short-lived) is beautiful. Cheers and Happy new year!!!